Business · Consultations · Public Relations

Women need to stop giving away their services by Jackie Harder

This article speaks volume!!!


If you don’t value yourself, no one else will, either. Don’t give away your expertise. Charge for it.

This comment kicked off a firestorm in my social media group recently. One person said, “Sure, I get that. But how does that mesh with the whole ‘pay it forward’ thing? Or ‘If you give it away, it will return to you’?”

These excellent points have merit – as long as they are applied with carefully thought-out boundaries. And while women are more likely to to have permeable boundaries in this area, many men fall into this trap as well.

How to help others without going broke

First: You don’t have to give away your services to “pay it forward.” Join a community-action group. Donate money to your favorite cause. Tutor students in English. Volunteer to shelve books at the library. Join an Adopt-a-Highway group and pick up trash alongside the road. Sponsor a worthwhile event in exchange for publicity.

There are hundreds of opportunities right in your own town and none of them involve giving away the farm. Check them out.

Second: You already are helping people, through social media and your blog articles. You are giving tips and tricks. You are giving them the benefit of your vast storehouse of hard-earned knowledge and experience. You are sharing insider information about your industry and helping them make informed decisions. You are building your authority.

Third: The “giving in order that you may receive” is a lofty philosophical position, and one that will assure practitioners a spot in heaven. Give away too much, however, and you’ll end up in the poorhouse.

So what is the balance? Where do you draw the line and say, “Beyond this point, you will need to hire me or buy my program or book”?

Think of your knowledge or service as a product in your local grocery store. Can you imagine the owners allowing people to help themselves to cakes hot from the oven? Of course not! If these cakes are exceptional, on occasion they will offer prospective customers a little taste, just to show them what they’re missing. But the reasonable expectation is that customers will buy their own cake to take home and enjoy.

Why is it any different with your service? As a savvy business woman, you’ve given them a taste through social media and your blog articles. They know what you can deliver. If they want more than a sample, they need to open their wallets.

And probably most important of all: Why would anyone buy from you at all if you keep giving it away? You’re in business, not running a charity. Don’t forget the value of your time. Your expertise and experience didn’t come cheap, either.

If you don’t recognize your own value, no one else will.

There are exceptions, of course. Here’s how to handle people who want something for nothing:

  • Create a policy so you’re not caught flat-footed when someone wants to spend 10 minutes with you to “pick your brain.” For example, you might want to reserve “free help” for family members and close friends. For the others, you’ll want to come up with a script you can use. See below for a sample.
  • Decide in advance how much time you will spend with these exceptions to the rule. Establish parameters and clearly communicate them – you will work with them for X amount of time a week or a month. Or you will only handle it by email. Make sure it works for you because even though you may love these people, they are still taking away time from you earning your living.

For everyone else who wants more than what you’re willing to give away in your social media and blog, try this approach:

Tell them their question/issue is an excellent one, and you would love to work with them on it.  Say something like: “If you’re serious about moving forward with Y, I’d love to set up a time to talk about working with you on this topic. I think we’d be a good fit to do business together.”

This will winnow out about 90% of the “gimme” types who want something for nothing. Of the 10% you do speak to, probably 9% will decline once they know the investment. But that 1%? There’s your sweet spot! And if you’re a really good sales person, you might be able to convert more of the 10% you talk to.

So go ahead and give – but be judicious and thoughtful about it. I think you’ll still end up in heaven!

What has worked best for when dealing with people who want something for nothing? I’d love to add to my repertoire!


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How To Keep Going When You Are Exhausted by Paul Drury

Often times I find myself extremely and overly exhausted. I am always on the go and I tend to have so much going on even after completing massive tasks and bucket lists.  My goal is to always prep myself for personal and professional growth. This takes a lot of time and self-development inner search – all while on the go. In the interim, trying to maintain  a daily schedule in keeping up with everyday life.  To get past the exhaustion, I do pray, meditate and just take a day to sleep as long as my body will allow. Often times, you just have to let your body take over and put mind to rest.

This article put things into perspective.


How To Keep Going When You Are Exhausted

Maybe the title of this blog should be “How to start your own business, working at home as the sole breadwinner at the start of the recession with a newborn and an 18-month-old.”

Everyone has those mad times in their lives where you look back, and you don’t quite know how you coped. I spent the first three years of my daughter’s life (and the first 18 months of my son’s) living in the UK, somehow making a living completing a few Retail executive search assignments for a few Russian retailers. We had some savings as a cushion, but during the depths of the recession, there was nothing more stressful than seeing the bank balance taking a hit month after month….

The kids weren’t sleeping so well, I was doing my best to help my exhausted wife, and I had the responsibility of keeping us financially secure. When the eyes start to close, in this situation, you can’t afford to stay in bed all morning, no matter how alluring it might seem.

I quickly learnt that having a system to keep me functioning is what would keep me sane. Proactively “managing” my tiredness helped me to get through the day.

It was a busy time, so when someone suggested that I get some exercise, I didn’t quite understand at first. Rocking my colic-plagued son to sleep for hours seemed to be plenty of physical exertion. However, the adrenaline rush of an intense bike ridefor 30 minutes during the morning sleep somehow firmly put those broken nights behind me.

That bike ride also let me get some fresh air into my lungs and sun on my face. Vitamin D is vital for wellbeing, and getting out of the house into the early morning sun worked wonders. It also freed my mind from all of the daily worries and gave mean escape from pretty much everything. I loved that bike.

Ensuring that I drank and ate regularly was my second strategy. When you are running around with your pants on fire, it is hard to remember that you need to give your body some fuel. I constantly had a pint glass of water next to my desk and tried to eat little and often to ensure that my blood sugar levels didn’t dip. I ate lots of green veggies and ensured a healthy mix of proteins and complex carbs.

Probably the most important thing that I learnt to do was to have some “slow” moments in my day. When you have a to-do list the length of your arm, it is easy to get overwhelmed. I tried to take regular five-minute breaks where I could close my eyes, breathe deeply and remember all of the amazing moments with the kids that day. After those five-minute breaks, the tiredness seemed to disappear.

Music was my saviour. Cheesy pop was the order of the day. Somehow the lyrics took me to an entirely different place, and I would get into my work zone with my headphones on and an uplifting beat coursing through my head.

If you have the support of a loved one when you feel that you can’t go on, it is often the thing that keeps you from slipping into something a little more dangerous. Both my wife and I may have been on the verge of depression, but with the ecstasy of being new parents, we got through it together and still had a lot of fun and laughs with the kids. There is nothing like laughter to give you a lift!

I still look back and wonder how we did it, but we got through it, and if I ever have a similarly difficult period again, I will know how to get through it.


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A Hilarious Networking Mistake (Don’t Do This) by Christie Mims

A Hilarious Networking Mistake (Don't Do This)

So, I was getting a lot of questions about networking from the Revolutionary Club community (thanks community! You are awesome), and it got me thinking about times I’ve networked…


Yes, even I, a career coach and someone who is confident networking, have crashed and burned a time or two.  🙂

Networking is an important skill.

Having a great network is how you find out about jobs that aren’t listed yet, how you get information about new opportunities (or careers), and how you get inside information on salary and other really important things that will make your work happy.

I also think that networking can be really hard at times.

It’s not easy to go out and put yourself in new and potentially uncomfortable situations.

It can be difficult to figure out what to say, how to introduce yourself in a way that is interesting, and have a real conversation with a stranger.

And sometimes, it’s just embarrassing.  To that point, I have a story I want to share with you…

Here’s how the story goes:

I was meeting with someone who does PR for a big website, just to say hello, pick her brain and enjoy a cocktail. We’d been talking over twitter and having some fun, but I had never met her in person.

I did my due diligence, read up about her, and made sure to check out the photo of her on the website, twitter etc, so I’d recognize her when I walked into the bar.  Unfortunately, the photos I found were small and not very clear, but I thought to myself: “No worries – she’s blond and I’ll *probably* recognize her.”

I was running late, and that stressed me out.  I ended running into the bar trying to straighten my hair and adjust my lipstick while I looked for her.  You know, that “stand in the door of the room trying to appear cool while you squint and make awkward eye-contact with strangers” look that is so attractive :).

Eureka! I spotted her at the bar and wandered over.

Tall, blond, obviously waiting on someone. Definitely her.  So, I walked up and said: “Hey!” (Momentary brain-lapse made me forget her name).  She looked at me for a second and then said: “Hey” back.  Kind of friendly, kind of confused.  I went on to say something like: “I’m sorry I’m late, but I’m so glad we are meeting!”

And then, a random third person walked up and joined us.  I was surprised, she hadn’t mentioned anyone else coming, and so…I wasn’t sure what to do.  But hey – I was there to network, right? So I stuck out my hand and said: “Hey! I’m Christie, nice to meet you!” and she looked confused but said: “Hello. I’m [REDACTED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT]” and then they both sort of stared at me.

Confused, I said: “You are Nikki, right?”

(And you can probably see this coming)

She said: “Who?”

I said: “Nikki…Oh no.

Here’s how the story goes wrong…

Yep, I’d met the wrong person.  I really regret attempting to hug her now.

The real Nikki was at another part of the bar in a different room wondering where the *heck* I was, and why I was so late.  I apologized in a flurry, and walked away quickly.

I was not a high moment for me.  But, I had two choices: Let it bother me, or just laugh about it.

You can probably guess what I chose, and my first words to the real Nikki were: “You’ll never guess what just happened to me…”

I share this story for a few reasons:

1. Everyone (even Oprah), will make mistakes when they interact with people.  It happens to all of us.

2. I could have beaten myself up about it, or worried about being a failure/creepy person for awhile and let that drag me down, but I didn’t.  Why? Because you will go to networking events, or meet someone for a coffee, and things will go wrong.  And that’s okay because it happens. Nobody (even Oprah) is perfect.

3. Sometimes the most embarrassing moments will turn into a great lesson or maybe just a great story, and either one is okay, as long as you keep putting yourself out there.  So –  go out and make some more great stories! (After all, I’ve already gone out and hugged a stranger for you – so really, how bad can it be?).


4. Try and find a good photo of someone before you meet with them :).

I’ve put myself out there and I’d love to invite you to do the same.  I’d love to know in the comments: Have you ever made a crazy networking error? Have you had a hilarious encounter while out schmoozing? And – did anything good or fun come of it?


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Business · Social Media

Fоur Sіmрlе Stерѕ tо Implementing SEO by Norm Bond

Fоur Sіmрlе Stерѕ tо Implementing SEO

Abоut 65% оf thе visitors tо аll wеb ѕіtеѕ bеgіn with a search vіа a ѕеаrсh еngіnе.

Conductor, the web-presence management firm, uрdаtеd аn earlier study оf 310 million vіѕіtѕ and соnсludеd that “оrgаnіс ѕеаrсh іѕ rеѕроnѕіblе fоr a fаr greater pеrсеntаgе оf wеb ѕіtе trаffіс thаn оrіgіnаllу thоught.” Search еngіnе орtіmіzаtіоn оr SEO has bесоmе a core еlеmеnt оf every іntеllіgеnt buѕіnеѕѕ оwnеr’ѕ internet mаrkеtіng ѕtrаtеgу.

Thеrе ѕіmрlу іѕ nо more
cost-effective or efficient wау tо get your site visible tо hundreds оf thоuѕаndѕ оf роtеntіаl buуеrѕ all оvеr the wоrld. And wіth Gооglе’ѕ uрdаtеѕ tо іtѕ search аlgоrіthmеvеn lосаl businesses need tо іmрlеmеnt SEO tесhnіԛuеѕ аnd tасtісѕ if thеу want tо іnсrеаѕе trаffіс wіthіn their nеіghbоrhооdѕ or lосаl communities. And for thоѕе соmраnіеѕ thаt are ѕаvvу enough to еnd up оn thе fіrѕt раgе, hіghеr revenues can bе realized vеrу quickly.

In ѕріtе of thеѕе tесhnоlоgу realities, the mаjоrіtу оf large еntеrрrіѕеѕ аnd small-medium buѕіnеѕѕеѕ hаvе not еffесtіvеlу орtіmіzеd their wеbѕіtеѕ to саріtаlіzе оn thе іnhеrеnt bеnеfіtѕ. This іѕ gооd nеwѕ fоr thоѕе entrepreneurs аnd mаnаgеrѕ thаt аrе ѕееkіng tо gain аn аdvаntаgе on their соmреtіtіоn. It dоеѕn’t matter іf уоur соmреtіtоr іѕ next dооr оr on thе оthеr ѕіdе оf the globe, you can оutrаnk thеm іn the ѕеаrсh engine results bу applying ѕоmе bаѕіс tесhnіԛuеѕ whісh I’ll ѕhаrе below.

Here’s how to make it happen in four steps:

1. Cоmmіtmеnt tо the Prосеѕѕ
Yоu hаvе tо bе рrераrеd fоr thе lоng-term аnd vіеw hоw уоur buѕіnеѕѕ wіll соntіnuе tо grоw thrоugh SEO. It tаkеѕ a lоt оf dіѕсірlіnе аnd раtіеnсе tо ѕее rеѕultѕ. Dоn’t buy іntо thе hype that SEO іѕ a оnе-аnd-dоnе tуре оf effort.
As stated above, sеаrсh еngіnе аlgоrіthmѕ аdjuѕt rеgulаrlу, ѕо іt іѕ important tо stay updated wіth thе lаtеѕt trеndѕ and approaches. Rеаlіzе thаt ѕоmе of the mеthоdѕ that аrе еffесtіvе tоdау mау nо lоngеr wоrk аftеr a fеw mоnthѕ. Why dоеѕ thіѕ happen?

One саuѕе іѕ thаt thеrе аrе аlwауѕ those that wаnt to gаmе the ѕуѕtеm аnd uѕе mіѕlеаdіng tасtісѕ to increase thеіr оwn vіѕіbіlіtу оr thаt оf сlіеntѕ. As Gооglе uncovers these dесерtіvе practices thеу respond and may change the аlgоrіthm оr еvеn dіrесtlу penalize thе оffеndіng wеbѕіtеѕ. Thіѕ саn rеѕult іn your site іnсrеаѕіng or decreasing its vіѕіbіlіtу іn ѕеаrсh rеѕultѕ. By remaining committed to SEO уоu’ll bе аwаrе, соnѕіѕtеnt аnd аblе tо rеѕроnd to whаtеvеr сhаngеѕ occur аѕ fast as роѕѕіblе.

2. Gеttіng Infоrmаtіоn

Make the tіmе to fіnd оut hоw SEO саn bе uѕеd tо the fullеѕt fоr уоur раrtісulаr business. Are уоu trуіng to rеасh mоrе оf уоur target сuѕtоmеrѕ? You need to have ѕоmе basic dеmоgrарhіс information іnсludіng their аgе, gender and gеоgrарhіс location. A lоt оf this information іѕ аvаіlаblе іf you know hоw tо аѕk thе rіght ԛuеѕtіоnѕ from thе rіght ѕоurсеѕ. In addition to thе ѕресіfіс dеtаіlѕ fоr уоur buѕіnеѕѕ tаkе an industry vіеw. Lеаrn mоrе аbоut thе category bу соnnесtіng wіth еxреrtѕ аnd оthеr ѕuссеѕѕful buѕіnеѕѕ people. Today thіѕ саn bе dоnе via ѕосіаl mеdіа, оnlіnе conferences, vіdеоѕ and іntеrасtіng оn blogs аnd fоrumѕ. Thіѕ will also allow уоu tо hаvе gооd and frеѕh соntеnt оn your wеbѕіtе аnd rеgulаr роѕtѕ оn уоur blоg. And for SEO bеnеfіtѕ mаkе sure that thе ѕіtе іѕ еаѕу tо
nаvіgаtе wіth menus аnd саtеgоrіеѕ.

Fіnd оut whісh kеуwоrdѕ and kеурhrаѕеѕ will mоѕt likely be uѕеd bу уоur tаrgеt сuѕtоmеrѕ аnd uѕе thеѕе wіѕеlу thrоughоut уоur articles. Yоu ѕhоuld bе lооkіng аt уоur current trаffіс tо ѕее which terms are presently bringing vіѕіtоrѕ to уоur ѕіtе. Jоіn dіѕсuѕѕіоn bоаrdѕ аnd оnlіnе fоrumѕ to add vаluе bу answering ԛuеѕtіоnѕ, аnd tаlk dіrесtlу tо уоur target сuѕtоmеrѕ. Yоu can рlасе lіnkѕ in уоur ѕіgnаturе аnd сору bіtѕ оf articles frоm уоur wеb ѕіtе tо bооѕt сrеdіbіlіtу аnd rерutаtіоn. Apply thіѕ tасtіс on other ѕuссеѕѕful wеbѕіtеѕ аnd brіng some of their trаffіс to уоur dооrѕtер.

3. Stay Vіѕіblе

In thе іntеrnеt wоrld a spider is a program that vіѕіtѕ web ѕіtеѕ, reads their раgеѕ аnd other information, аnd thеn fееdѕ pages tо search engines. It’s саllеd a spider bесаuѕе іt crawls оvеr thе web.Thе раgеѕ аrе thеn іndеxеd аnd thіѕ ассоuntѕ ѕіgnіfісаntlу fоr how сеrtаіn wеbѕіtеѕ bесоmе vіѕіblе tо реорlе еntеrіng ѕеаrсh terms. An іntеrеѕtіng thіng аbоut ѕріdеrѕ іѕ thаt thеу cannot іndеx уоur раgеѕ іf thеу саnnоt bе сrаwlеd. But іf уоu uѕе a ѕіtе mар аnd thе rіght HTML аnd other соdеѕ thеn уоur ѕіtе wіll rеmаіn vіѕіblе tо ѕріdеrѕ. Oh I know this may ѕоund icky to ѕоmе оf thе Arachnophobes, but lеt’ѕ рut thаt аѕіdе tо bооѕt оur trаffіс and rеvеnuе.

Thе ѕріdеr wіll еаѕіlу undеrѕtаnd thе hіеrаrсhу оf уоur ѕіtе. Thіѕ is why I mentioned еаrlіеr thаt уоu wаnt to mаkе ѕurе уоu hаvе аn еаѕу-tо-сrаwl nаvіgаtіоn mеnu. Yоu should discuss thе dеtаіlѕ wіth уоur wеbmаѕtеr tо hеlр іmрrоvе уоur ѕіtе’ѕ vіѕіbіlіtу. Dереndіng оn the ѕіzе of your wеb ѕіtе, уоu many nееd multірlе ѕіtе mар раgеѕ, wіth important lіnkѕ.

Whеn we’re dealing wіth SEO аll оf our mоvеѕ ѕhоuld hаvе аn оbjесtіvе. The mоrе ѕресіfіс the better. In addition mаkе uѕе of wеb аnаlуtісѕ ѕоftwаrе, соnnесt wіth online еxреrtѕ tо trасk thе rіght mеthоdѕ, аnd рurgе іrrеlеvаnt аnd
tіmе-соnѕumіng еffоrtѕ.

Fіnаllу mаkе ѕurе your URLѕ аnd fіlе nаmеѕ аrе SEO frіеndlу. I’d rесоmmеnd that you uѕе 2 tо 3 hурhеnѕ аt thе mоѕt tо kеер уоur fіlе frоm арреаrіng lіkе ѕраm. Also dоn’t use underscores, instead uѕе hypens in уоur URLѕ аnd fіlеnаmеѕ. Hурhеnѕ аrе соnѕіdеrеd аѕ “ѕрасе”, unlіkе undеrѕсоrеѕ.

4. Relevance Mаttеrѕ
Yоur web ѕіtе is unlіkеlу tо rаnk vеrу hіgh fоr a рrіmаrу tеrm wіthоut thе wоrd bеіng іnсludеd іn thе page tіtlе. Sо a key раrt of оn-раgе SEO іѕ to аlwауѕ еnѕurе thаt уоu hаvе a rеlеvаnt tіtlе аnd mеtа description оn еасh of уоur wеb раgеѕ. Search еngіnеѕ believe thе раgе tіtlе іѕ thе mоѕt vital fасtоr оf оn-раgе SEO. You can еvеn ignоrе thе kеуwоrd mеtа соmрlеtеlу іf уоu fіnd thаt thеѕе аrе nоt rеlеvаnt аnd оnlу соnfuѕеѕ уоur vіѕіtоrѕ.

The gоаl іѕ tо аlwауѕ wrіtе for vіѕіtоrѕ and uѕеrѕ. You wаnt thеѕе people tо соntасt уоu nоw, bооkmаrk уоur site or ѕhаrе іt with thеіr nеtwоrkѕ. Sо thе соntеnt оf уоur ѕіtе аnd аrtісlеѕ ѕhоuld аlwауѕ bе rеlаtеd tо уоur іnduѕtrу аnd соmраnу.

By аррlуіng the four ѕtерѕ above уоu’ll bе well оn уоur way to buіldіng an SEO frіеndlу web site.And as уоur visibility іnсrеаѕеѕ іn thе search еngіnеѕ so will аll оf the additional benefits thаt ассruе tо those thаt are wіllіng to mаkе thе іnvеѕtmеnt of tіmе аnd rеѕоurсеѕ.


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Social Media

What Makes Quality Content? by Kunal Pattany

What Makes Quality Content?

Content marketing seems to be the new buzz word across most b2b marketing teams and businesses. So is it just a fad or something with real substance?

This is not a new concept but something that successful companies and marketers have been using for many years. As with any concept or coined term it has now being considered by the early/late majority of the bell size curve. It’s late take has been a combination of b2b mind set/cultural change and having the confidence to present themselves and knowledge leaders within the market.

This is a real breakthrough within the b2b marketing world especially as you are now having the opportunity to interact with your target audience. Many businesses think they’re creating “quality content” because they’re having original material written.

But this content normally plays it very safe and has no life, no personality, no usefulness to the reader, no entertainment value, and a poor headline.

Therefore does not qualify as quality content!
But here’s what I think are the most important points to consider when creating quality content:

Is it useful to your target audience?
Content marketing needs to be of interest to the reader. Maybe consider speaking to members of your target audience that you have a strong relationship with or ask members of your business that actually interact with the target audience to see what interests them e.g. key topic’s, trends that are forming etc…. I think this can only benefit marketing and the business as it is a proactive method to provide a personalised service to the end user.

It must be interesting
Worthy content has to provide real insight. It has… dare I say it… authority!

If your target audience just wanted facts, they can read a whitepaper, or some statistics on the topic. When they want a more interesting, opinionated, insightful view on facts, that’s when you step in. It’s a fine line between pleasing the business and achieving quality content. This is where you need to have a senior member of management on-side to develop the idea of quality content and provide a real opinionVery Important Point.

Once you have the business on side you can really develop the content even within a b2b business. Something to consider if you’re ready to make the leap. If it’s sounds like it’s to ‘professional’ or looks like your standard corporate content with no opinion, Stop Now. You’re going down the wrong path.

True quality content should look, feel, and sound personal with know agenda apart from wanting to provide useful information. If you get this right the business will follow, sounds like a cliche but think about articles you have read and why you read them and maybe the ones you didn’t read because you felt they were sales focused.

Sharing is success
When you’re emailing, blogging, and creating white papers, videos or other content that are both useful and valuable, you can measure it’s success in many ways a quick gauge is if it’s been shared and amongst whom – is it your target audience?

Content that inherently rewards the reader for consuming or sharing it.
It actually acts as a small “reward” for clicking. Every time the target audience clicks on your link, opens your email, or shares your content, good things happen — useful, interesting, and user-friendly information gets shared.

Put yourself into your reader’s shoes and ask yourself if the content you’re creating is truly rewarding for that reader.

Does it get him closer to his goals? Does it engage them? Are the site design and user interface pleasing? Is the content formatted to be easy to read, and across multiple platforms e.g. #LinkedIn, #Twitter, #Google+ etc…?

Good content always builds quality targeted audience
By making a commitment to create content that’s both useful and interesting, you rise above the sea of uninspiring content online. Even though creating good content isn’t always easy, it probably is the most straightforward way to differentiate your business and show your value.


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Business · Public Relations

12 Things Truly Confident People Do Differently by Dr. Travis Bradberry

12 Things Truly Confident People Do Differently

Confidence takes many forms, from the arrogance of Floyd Mayweather to the quiet self-assurance of Jane Goodall. True confidence—as opposed to the false confidence people project to mask their insecurities—has a look all its own.

When it comes to confidence, one thing is certain: truly confident people always have the upper hand over the doubtful and the skittish because they inspire others and they make things happen.

Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right. – Henry Ford

Ford’s notion that your mentality has a powerful effect on your ability to succeed is manifest in the results of a recent study at the University of Melbourne that showed that confident people went on to earn higher wages and get promoted more quickly than anyone else.

Learning to be confident is clearly important, but what is it that truly confident people do that sets them apart from everyone else?

I did some digging to uncover the 12 cardinal habits of truly confident people so that you can incorporate these behaviors into your repertoire.

1. They Get Their Happiness from Within

Happiness is a critical element of confidence, because in order to be confident inwhat you do, you have to be happy with who you are.

People who brim with confidence derive their sense of pleasure and satisfaction from their own accomplishments, as opposed to what other people think of their accomplishments. They know that no matter what anyone says, you’re never as good or as bad as people say you are.

2. They Don’t Pass Judgment

Confident people don’t pass judgment on others because they know that everyone has something to offer, and they don’t need to take other people down a notch in order to feel good about themselves. Comparing yourself to other people is limiting. Confident people don’t waste time sizing people up and worrying about whether or not they measure up to everyone they meet.

3. They Don’t Say Yes Unless They Really Want To

Research conducted at the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Confident people know that saying no is healthy, and they have the self-esteem to make their nos clear. When it’s time to say no, confident people avoid phrases such as “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” They say no with confidence because they know that saying no to a new commitment honors their existing commitments and gives them the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.

4. They Listen More than They Speak

People with confidence listen more than they speak because they don’t feel as though they have anything to prove. Confident people know that by actively listening and paying attention to others, they are much more likely to learn and grow. Instead of seeing interactions as opportunities to prove themselves to others, they focus on the interaction itself, because they know that this is a far more enjoyable and productive approach to people.

5. They Speak with Certainty

It’s rare to hear the truly confident utter phrases such as “Um,” “I’m not sure,” and “I think.” Confident people speak assertively because they know that it’s difficult to get people to listen to you if you can’t deliver your ideas with conviction.

6. They Seek Out Small Victories

Confident people like to challenge themselves and compete, even when their efforts yield small victories. Small victories build new androgen receptors in the areas of the brain responsible for reward and motivation. The increase in androgen receptors increases the influence of testosterone, which further increases their confidence and eagerness to tackle future challenges. When you have a series of small victories, the boost in your confidence can last for months.

7. They Exercise

A study conducted at the Eastern Ontario Research Institute found that people who exercised twice a week for 10 weeks felt more competent socially, academically, and athletically. They also rated their body image and self-esteem higher. Best of all, rather than the physical changes in their bodies being responsible for the uptick in confidence, it was the immediate, endorphin-fueled positivity from exercise that made all the difference.

8. They Don’t Seek Attention

People are turned off by those who are desperate for attention. Confident people know that being yourself is much more effective than trying to prove that you’re important. People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than what, or how many, people you know. Confident people always seem to bring the right attitude.

Confident people are masters of attention diffusion. When they’re receiving attention for an accomplishment, they quickly shift the focus to all the people who worked hard to help get them there. They don’t crave approval or praise because they draw their self-worth from within.

9. They Aren’t Afraid to Be Wrong

Confident people aren’t afraid to be proven wrong. They like putting their opinions out there to see if they hold up because they learn a lot from the times they are wrong and other people learn from them when they’re right. Self-assured people know what they are capable of and don’t treat being wrong as a personal slight.

10. They Stick Their Necks Out

When confident people see an opportunity, they take it. Instead of worrying about what could go wrong, they ask themselves, “What’s stopping me? Why can’t I do that?” and they go for it. Fear doesn’t hold them back because they know that if they never try, they will never succeed.

11. They Celebrate Other People

Insecure people constantly doubt their relevance, and because of this, they try to steal the spotlight and criticize others in order to prove their worth. Confident people, on the other hand, aren’t worried about their relevance because they draw their self-worth from within. Instead of insecurely focusing inward, confident people focus outward, which allows them to see all the wonderful things that other people bring to the table. Praising people for their contributions is a natural result of this.

12. They Aren’t Afraid to Ask for Help

Confident people know that asking other people for help won’t make them seem weak or unintelligent. They know their strengths and weaknesses, and they look to others to fill the gaps. They also know that learning from someone with more expertise is a great way to improve.

Bringing It All Together

Building confidence is a journey, not a destination. Please share your thoughts on the matter in the comments section below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.


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Business · Public Relations

Self, Meet Thyself by Matt Ridings

Self, Meet Thyself

We tend to either not see ourselves in others that we render judgment on, or we see ourselves clearly but with such scrutiny as to amplify the negative to such a degree that it overwhelms all else. It erodes our confidence and self-worth until we become that ugly thing which we think we already are.

The trick I think is in learning to step outside of oneself. To gaze upon your actions and assess them with objectivity but not harshness. To render judgment where necessary. Not for the purpose of punishment, but to constantly strive for the furtherance of positive personal change.

  • Only the sociopath fails to see the negative.
  • Only the damaged fail to see the positive.
  • Only the ignorant fail to accept who they are today as being enough because that would mean they shouldn’t strive to be better (a misguided affliction to be sure)

Negative thoughts and actions are the neutron stars of emotion. Their density is so much greater in proportion to their size that they make finding balance such a difficult proposal.

One snide comment, one rude glance…these minuscule moments in time carry enough power to overrule the rest of an entire day. We must create scales within us that measure these time twisting moments more accurately so as to achieve perspective.

Don’t shy away from criticism, real or perceived. Examine it, there may be nuggets of truth and wisdom in there. You must however, remove it of its emotional power. Render it harmless. Cut the blue wire, but before walking away examine what the bomb was made of. If there is something to learn there, take it with you and say thank you. Otherwise, leave that bastard right where it was and move along.


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